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An old man boarded an airplane
by LastBestPlace 28 May '20

28 May '20

An old man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said. “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.” He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business at this convention?” “Lecturer.” She responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” He said. “and what kind of myths are they?” “Well.” She explained, “One popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Irish.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry.” She said. “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.” “Tonto.” The old man said. “Tonto McTavish, but my friends call me Paddy.”

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guess your age humor
by LastBestPlace 22 May '20

22 May '20

Three elderly women are sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then, old man Cohen shuffles by, and one of the old women calls out, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.” Old man Cohen stops. ‘Well, so how can you do that?” he asks. “All you have to do is drop your pants and your undershorts and we can tell your exact age.” Old man Cohen is a little embarrassed, but he wants to prove these ladies are wrong. He decides to play their game, and he pulls down his pants and boxers. “Turn around, turn around,” one of the old ladies exclaims. Old man Cohen obliges them by turning around a couple of times. “Maybe you can jump up and down a bit?” the second woman asks. With a bit of effort, Cohen goes up and down on his toes a few times. “So it’s not so easy to guess my age?” he asks. All of a sudden, the third elderly woman calls out, “You're 94 years old!” Standing with his pants and boxers down around his ankles, old man Cohen is amazed. “You’re right,” he says, “but how in the world did you figure it out?” “It was easy,” one of the women answers. “We were at your birthday party yesterday.”

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doctor humor
by LastBestPlace 20 May '20

20 May '20

I was at the hospital and I walked into a surgeon’s office “Can I help you?” He asked. “I keep thinking that I’m a moth.” I replied. “You probably want a Psychiatrist for that.” “Yeah, I know.” He looked confused. “Then why are you here?” “The light was on.”

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Costco Latest Scam Alert
by LastBestPlace 04 May '20

04 May '20

Women are often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it. A “heads up” for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe’s, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naïve enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your male friends. Here’s how the scam works; two very beautiful, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. (It’s impossible NOT to look). [cid:image001.jpg@01D6220C.E6C0B830] When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say “No” but instead ask for a ride over to McDonald’s. You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 28th. Also April 1st, 2nd, 8th, twice on the 9th & 10th, and very likely again tomorrow and Wednesday. So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of older men. Warn your friends to be alert and vigilant.

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Old Biker
by LastBestPlace 28 Apr '20

28 Apr '20

An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?" The old timer said, "I'm a biker and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight on Sundays and out sliding around corners, shootin' sand washes and riding up and down the steepest, wildest mountains I can find at the crack of dawn." The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" The old biker said, "Who said my dad's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?" The old biker said, "He's 99 years old and, in fact, he went riding with me this Sunday, and that's why he's still alive.he's a biker too." The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?" The old biker said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?" The old biker replied, "He's 117 years old." The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went riding with you this Sunday too?" The old timer said, "No, Grandpa couldn't go this week because he got married." The doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Good Lord!!! Why would a 117-year-old guy want to get married?" To this old biker smiled and answered, "Who said he wanted to?

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current events humor
by LastBestPlace 20 Apr '20

20 Apr '20

What is the difference between a Texas Oil Man and a pigeon? A pigeon can still put a deposit down on a new Mercedes

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04/19/20 Spring Sunset
by LastBestPlace 19 Apr '20

19 Apr '20

The snow is almost melted away. Spring is starting. This is not sheltering in place; this is enjoying the views. Looking east at sunset is the so called "Strawberry Peak", with alpenglow on the top reflected on the water. Looking west across the golf course, a small bit of ice remains on the pond with the clouds on fire.

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Old Davie humor
by LastBestPlace 15 Apr '20

15 Apr '20

Old Davie retired. Him and his wife decided to go for a holiday. She made sure they ate healthy and did daily exercise, and he always looked after the pennies. Sadly the plane crashed with no survivors. So when Davie and his wife got met at the pearly gates by Peter they were escorted to this big mansion, where upon Davie said "Hold on a minute Peter. How much will all this cost?". Nothing said Peter, it's all free. In the kitchen all manner of food, cream cakes big chocolate gateau’s, Davie's wife said we can't eat all that -- it will make us fat. Peter said you can eat anything you like here. You will never get fat. Old Davie looked out the window and said to Peter, "Is that a golf course I see?". Peter said yes that’s Augusta national -- all the great golf courses on earth we have here; Royal Tron, St Andrews, Saw Grass , etc etc. They are all here Peter said. "How much to play them?" Davie asked. Nothing, Peter said. I've told you everything is free here and it never gets dark so you can play 24 hours a day, and you will never get tired, so Davie goes and plays Augusta, shoots a 6 under, and then he and goes and plays St Andrews and shoots another 6 under. He thoroughly enjoyed himself When he got back his wife said well what do you think? "What do I think?" he said. "Ya damn so an so, if it hadn't been for your healthy living and daily exercise I could been here 25 years ago enjoying myself"

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Outhouse humor
by LastBestPlace 07 Apr '20

07 Apr '20

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!" Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse." Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it." So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!" "Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!" Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole! "Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix." So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!" Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!" Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling, "Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!" To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?!"

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406/2020 Happy Montana Day!
by LastBestPlace 06 Apr '20

06 Apr '20

*Happy Montana Day!* April 6 is the unofficial Montana Day. The entire state of Montana has the single phone area code of 406. Please come visit and see for yourself why this is the Last Best Place!!! *Happy Unemployed Day! *I quit working two years ago and still have not found employment -- nor have I even looked! In the past 12 months, we've been really busy ... had a number of visitors, both first time and repeat replaced every appliance in the house except the garbage disposal completed replacement of every window in the house completed replacement of all exterior doors installation of an open loop ground source heat pump, including 2 wells visited Zion NP (last year March), San Diego, Bay Area, Michigan, Madison WI, and Backus MN In addition to that a few other activities were squeezed in. April 6, 2019, the Pond Skim competition at Whitefish Mountain. Ski down and across a pond of water. The first time is easy; the second time is off a jump; the third time is backwards; and then it gets hard! April 29, 2019 on the dock at Lake McDonald Lodge. Mt. Stanton and Mt. Vaught in the background. May 4, 2019 biking in to Many Glacier. On the way in we passed Mama griz and cub way too close to the road and to us. On the return ride they were a much safer distance away. May 26, 2019 biked up Going-To-The-Sun Road with Rich to the Weeping Wall. If we had started an hour earlier we might have been stranded by an avalanche that went across the road with about 2 dozen other bikers. They had to wait 8 hours for the road crew to clear it safely away. June 22, 2019 a bittersweet 2nd place finish in the Glacier Half Marathon. Beat by 7 seconds; passed in the last 200 yards by the first place finisher. June 30, 2019 Lily and Dennis visit. Among our adventures with them was Sandy's first time to Kintla Lake where we kayaked. The Boundary Mountain range separates the lake from Canada (it's a huge wall :-)) July 21, 2019 I successfully completed hiking the Dawson-Pitamaken Loop trail. This has been on my bucket list a long, long time. 17 miles long over two mountain passes. Part of the difficulty is that it is a very long day trip, it is difficult to find people that are available and in good enough shape to hike it, and is best done on a good weather day. I was absolutely blessed in that Sally was visiting, we could not have had better weather, and she was patient enough to wait for me and my slow pace ;-) July 29, 2019 Mt. Siyeh. Hiking with three age 30-something alpha males, I was humbled enough to admit that they should go on without me. They did successfully make it to the summit. There is no official trail, and the route we ended up on was definitely not the easiest route described in the climbing book. But the weather and views that I experienced were still amazing. My view of Preston Park on a very clear day, with 4 glaciers beyond was excellent. Mo on top of Mt. Siyeh, with Cracker Lake 4000 feet below him!!! Lake Sherburne is off in the distance. August 1, 2019 Otokomi Lake. 10 miles RT hike with Mo. September 30, 2019 a very early snowstorm. Cold enough that the Silver Staircase Falls were frozen. September 30, 2019 I technically cross country in East Glacier Park. 3 feet of snow overnight. It was a light snow and my skis sunk 2 feet into it. I hope to someday be able to have cross country skied in every month of the year. Again, plan a visit and join in the adventures! There are no bad months.

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