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bus humor
by LastBestPlace 07 Nov '21

07 Nov '21

A woman tries getting on a bus, but realizes her skirt is too tight. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. After becoming quite frustrated and embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more leg room to get on the first step of the bus. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends.

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wife humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Nov '21

06 Nov '21

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde, who knocks off everyone's socks with her youthful sex appeal and charm. She hangs on to Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They're amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" "I lied about my age", Bob replies "What, did you tell her you were only 50? Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

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goat humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Nov '21

06 Nov '21

A group of Canadians were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in Canada with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "We get sent on bus tours!"

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11/01/21 Monday Blues
by LastBestPlace 02 Nov '21

02 Nov '21

The “Blues” refers to the fantastic blue sky in the Big Sky state of Montana. It’s November; the days are short; the nights are below freezing; but there are still great sunny days for hiking. Going-To-The-Sun Road is only open to Avalanche on the west side and closed at St.Mary on the east side, which greatly limits trail access, but there are still good trails available. As the sun rises and warms things up I’m off to go up to Apgar Lookout. It’s a short drive (15 minutes) to the trailhead. 3.6 miles to the top, up almost 2000 feet. There is a great view near the top of all of beautiful West Glacier, Montana. The horseshoe bend of the Middle Fork of the Flathead River meanders around Glacier View Gold Course, and our house on the 18th fairway is visible. The few buildings and shops in town are hidden in the trees beyond. This time of year everything is closed in West Glacier except the elementary school and the post office. A closer look at the mountains beyond. The snow covered peaks are all in the park. Christmas must be soon, because at the rightmost point one can see the peak of Mt. St. Nicholas, so named because it looks like Santa’a hat. The unmanned Apgar fire lookout at the top, 5200 feet elevation. WOW! An iPhone camera does not fully capture the experience. The cold air is just so clear. The snow on the mountains with the sun on them is glowing. The view is looking up Lake McDonald, the largest lake in the park. A closer look. Quite amazing in person the detail, sharpness and color the eye can pick out at such a distance. And the peripheral vision of the mountains from the lake extending all the way up the North Fork …. One more view of the lake, showing the ice on the trail where I was standing. Shady places are chilly. Most of the fall colors are now gone, but some very stubborn red leaves bitterly clung on

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10/21/21 Golden Bowman Lake
by LastBestPlace 22 Oct '21

22 Oct '21

The only excuse one needs to do the drive up the North Fork to Polebridge is a hankering for great baked goods in one of the prettiest and most remote areas of the United States. Add to that, beautiful sunny weather and the Larch trees in full golden fall color, and the 6 mile drive on the pitted dirt road to Bowman Lake inside the park is well worth every kidney jarring bump. To get there, first drive into the park to get out of the park! Go in the West Glacier entrance, and then up Camas road for a view of Lake McDonald and the south side mountains 26 miles later, half on dirt road, will get you to the Polebridge Merc. While the huckleberry bear claws are really, really good, we’ve taken a special liking to the chocolate poppyseed rolls. Yum! The shack next door is one of my favorite places for a meal - The Northern Lights Saloon. Though closed or the season now, a summer day dinner with great food and a view of the North Fork of Glacier and live music cannot be beat. The Polebridge entrance station. Note the dirt road ! We were actually discussing what it would take to try and get a photo at each of Glacier’s entry stations in one day. It would be a very full day of driving. Belly River, Many Glacier, St. Mary, Cut Bank, Two Medicine on the East Side Walton on the South Side West Glacier, Camas, and Polebridge on the West Side Goat Haunt, if you include entering by foot through Canada Bowman Lake. Partly sunny, still water, and the fall color of golden Larch trees line either shore. Photos cannot capture how amazing the sight really is in person. We counted a total of 6 other people at the lake while we were there, so nearly that section of Glacier National Park to ourselves. This is the view from the bridge over Bowman Creek. Someone is obviously enjoying the views! On the way back, heading to Polebridge

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10/19/21 Last Best Fall Run
by LastBestPlace 20 Oct '21

20 Oct '21

Brilliant Fall day. Temperature in the 60s and sunny. Raked some leaves. Then out for the 4 mile run to the old bridge and back. I do not miss the 22 years of working in San Jose and running along the brown Guadalupe River at lunch time, compared to what awaits me here daily. The fall colors along the Middle Fork of the Flathead River are so beautiful! I find that living the charmed life here is much to my liking 😃

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08/18/21 The completion of the chimney/fireplace project
by LastBestPlace 18 Aug '21

18 Aug '21

It has taken about 2 years from the day we made the decision to demolish our chimney and fireplace to our completion of the project yesterday. Some extremely minor tasks remain, such as selection of creative knobs for the cabinet doors. Our definition of "done" is when all contractor work is completed, invoices received and checks paid out. There were a staggering number of decisions that were made to see this through. The most important decisions were the selection of contractors, and we were blessed with dealing with very professional, helpful, and personable individuals. The timeframe of the project consisted of summer 2019 -- identify and schedule work that would commence summer 2020 June 2020 -- Jules (mason) single handedly tore down and hauled away 30 tons of chimney July 2020 -- Cory (carpenter), on the day after the chimney demolishing is completed, arrives and reframes the roof and exterior wall July/August 2020 -- Conor (roofer), on the day the reframing is complete, arrives to waterproof the plywood roof, and then re-roofs that portion of the house August 2020 -- Jules removes the firebox inside the house. At this point feature creep takes hold and we decide to totally redo the fireplace inside the house January 2021 -- Cory puts in frame for new fireplace February 2021 -- Andersons installs the new propane fireplace March 2021 -- Roger (electrician) sets up the initial wiring May/June 2021 -- Cory frames and installs the hickory shelving, plywood walls June/July 2021 -- Jules installs the stone (that looks like wood!) July 24, 2021 -- Nadine and Mo wedding August 2021 -- Cory completes hickory cabinet and trim It is really, really, really nice to not have the house under construction!!!! Sandy really, really, really likes the fireplace!!!! Before and After photos Another "before" photo with the custom surround ------------------------------------------------------------------------ At the end of last summer, this was our lovely fireplace view for 6 months. The terrifying moment when the fireplace installers cut a hole in our brand new and finally leak proof roof. Glad they've done this a lot (or so they said!). New stovepipe, with snow deflectors (pyramids) to prevent snow and ice from damaging it Fireplace framed and ready to be installed. We have ignition! Temporary wiring in place, and framing for the hearth. Framing and plywood walls Lath for the stone. The first stone installed is inside the shelf. Everybody must get stoned. Pokes used to ensure the stone stays in place overnight while it all sets. The mason is done. Cabinet and surround installation. I wired the lights up. Cabinet doors and final trim all installed. Carpentry work completed. Beautiful!!! You are cordially invited to come for a visit and spend some time in front of a cozy fire!!! The fat bastard chimney, now part of the Flathead County dump.

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witch humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Aug '21

06 Aug '21

A wizened and extremely unattractive old crone was sidling her way across the Mississippi Bridge near the University of Minnesota. Suddenly, she noticed a youngish man standing on the railing getting ready to jump! “Hold it there, sonny, what do you think you’re doing?” “I have lost everything,” he said tearfully. “My wife left me; she took the kids; I’ve been let go from my job; my house has been foreclosed on and my car repo’ed.” “My, my,” said the crone, sympathetically, “That IS a heap o’ bad luck. But I am a witch and I can get all those things back for you.” “Seriously? What’s the catch?” he asked. “I have no money.” “Well, hon, to tell you the truth, it’s been a long time since a man has made love to me. I would like us to go to my apartment, have a night of mad passion, and in the morning, I will wave my magic wand and all those goodies will be returned to you.” He thinks it’s worth a try and probably better than suicide. They go to her modest apartment and it turns out she is an energetic old babe. It’s this way, that way, this way, that way all night long. The man falls asleep, exhausted. He wakes up the next morning, thinking it must have been a bad dream, but ARRRGH! There she is and she wants to go again. “Now wait a minute, fair is fair,” he complains. “You said ONE night and in the morning, you would do that magic wand thing.” “You’re right, I did say that. But just let me ask one question: how old are you, sonny?” “I just turned 42.” “And you STILL believe in witches, huh?”

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shark humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Aug '21

06 Aug '21

Jan was an adventurous lad who grew up in Czechoslovakia, He went to sea on a fishing boat, but he fell overboard just when two sharks were passing and one of them swallowed Jan! The skipper had the crew catch the sharks to try to recover Jan's body. They opened up the first shark and -- no Jan. The skipper said, "Well, this is the female. I guess the Czech is in the male."

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phone humor
by LastBestPlace 06 Aug '21

06 Aug '21

Who was Alexander Graham Kowalski? He was the first telephone Pole.

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