- LastBestPlace - mm4.emwd.com

post office humor
by LastBestPlace 30 Jun '24

30 Jun '24

A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies room of the gas station. As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked, "Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?" The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right. It's on the left." The man thanked the boy kindly, complimented him on how bright he was and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. If you and your mommy come to church on Sunday, I'll show you how to get to Heaven." The little boy replied with a chuckle; "You're shitting me, right? You can't even find the Post Office."

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05/05/24 - 05/09/24: Le and Matt Visit (part 2/2)
by LastBestPlace 06 Jun '24

06 Jun '24

Le & Matt's visit continued .... *Day 3 *Another early day for Sandy, as she was was subbing again at school. After the prior day's excitement and driving, we took an easier day of visiting Lake McDonald Lodge. It was not open, but we could wander around and peer in the windows. Looking back across the lake, the Apgar Mountain range is still snow covered. The lake is roughly 3300 feet elevation, so that snow level is around 4000 feet. Next to (or part of) the lodge is the Creekside Reading Room. As prep for opening the lodge, the staff were inside cleaning and allowed us to take a peek inside. When the lodge is open, this is a delightful location on inclement weather days to spend the day relaxing in front of a fire with a book. It is open to the public. I could very much envision Le, another former coworker Tam, and Sandy enjoying a day there doing absolutely nothing but reading! That afternoon, between some light rainfall, we took a hike out to Rocky Point. *Day 4 *Sandy was not working and was able to join us for a hike. We hiked in to Sacred Dancing Cascades on McDonald Creek. When Going-To-The-Sun road was originally built, there were still lengthier overnight guided horseback trips in the park. There is a horse tunnel under the road on both the east and west sides of the park. Very, very few visitors know about these, as there are not very visible from the road. After hiking through the tunnel, heading to Sacred Dancing Cascades. In order to try and add to the wildlife spotting collection, we walked over to Oxbow Lookout, with it's view of Apgar Mtn, but alas no beavers were out swimming that day. No visit is complete without seeing "the old bridge" (Belton Bridge). It is where I am blessed with stunning views when I go on my regular run. Le & Matt were quite silly (and cute!!) Where the Fork did we go next? To a delicious meal at the Three Forks Grille -- named after the South, North, and Middle forks of the Flathead River. The entrees were so good and so filling that we were unable to partake of anything from their very tempting dessert menu. Huckleberry Creme Brulee will require another visit!!! Dinner was the final item on the agenda, as Le & Matt were on the 6am flight the next morning. But the sun was still out, and on a whim we thought we'd see if there was some alpenglow to see from Apgar. We were treated to quite a show! Since it was around sunset, which is when beavers sometimes come out, we headed over to the beaver house on McDonald Creek. No beavers, but 15 minutes of a fantastic sunset in the park finished off our day. The parting silly photo at the end. Simply wow! What a wonderful time was had by all. Le & Matt, thank you so much for your visit. We thoroughly enjoyed it, and look forward to the next time.

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05/05/24 - 05/09/24: Le and Matt Visit (part 1/2)
by LastBestPlace 06 Jun '24

06 Jun '24

Le and Matt were finally able to come for their first visit to Montana in early May. Like all our other guests, we expect this to be the first of many visits! I started working at Adobe Systems in January of 1996. Le joined in 1997, and for the next 21 years we either worked fairly close - many years spent on the same team - or on closely related work that kept us in contact. So it was a great thrill when the opportunity arose that she and her husband would finally be able to visit. I would normally not recommend early May as the time to see the park for the first time, as many areas are closed due to snow and the weather can be cold and very wet. But that opinion was vastly incorrect!!! Read on .... *Day 1: *Le & Matt's flight arrived in to Kalispell around noontime, which means we still had half a day of sightseeing to do. So from the airport we went directly up the North Fork to Polebridge. Huckleberry bearclaws and chocolate poppy seed rolls are the first order of pastry business after a flight. The roads to Kintla and Bowman lakes were still closed with snow, but the southbound Inside North Fork road to Logging Lake was open. This was a treat for me as well as them, in that in all the time I've been to Glacier I had never driven that stretch of road inside the park. It's a gorgeous one lane dirt road through an area of older growth forest that has escaped the many forest fires that have gone by nearby areas. The historic Logging Ranger Station is where the road dead ends, and as we stopped and munched on the pastries, we met a volunteer who is working there -- a delightful conversation ensued as he had been the manager at Sperry Chalet in the early 2000s. After that it was back to the house for dinner. *Day 2 *As host and tour guide for many visitors, we are proud of our long record of making each day of a guest's visit better than the previous one. That streak was to be broken, as Le & Matt were treated to a wildlife spotting day that simply cannot be surpassed. We were up early that day. Sandy was subbing at the school and did not join us. The road in to Many Glacier had just been opened, so the plan was to go to the east side. The forecast on the east side was windy -- heck, it's always windy there, so when it's mentioned in the forecast to be windy that means 50mph gusts are expected. Out the door we do the quick obligatory photo stop in Apgar at Lake McDonald. Still plenty of snow on the mountains. Then the drive over to the east side. First stop is the Silver Staircase waterfall. Then a stop at Marias Pass. Still plenty of snow to play in. As we left the pass, through the trees I caught a glimpse of a mountain goat on the other side of the railroad tracks. By the time I found a place to turn around and get back to show it off, it was gone. So an "almost" mountain goat sighting. As we continued driving towards East Glacier, Matt in the backseat excitedly yelled out "Bear, out on the hill!". Though Le and I missed seeing it, it fully counts as a bear sighting! Lake Sherburne, just inside the park at Many Glacier. The white caps on the lake indicate very windy. The closer we head in, the cloudier the sky turned. While Many Glacier Hotel was not open, we could still wander onto the deck and enjoy the view of Grinnell Point. And yes, we are very tightly bundled up. As we drove away from hotel we stopped in the parking lot to tour the not so historic and not so scenic but still open outhouse. It was while we were in the parking lot that a bald eagle flew by overhead. It was not moving very fast, as it was heading in to the wind. So add bald eagle to the day's wildlife sighting. From Many Glacier, we drove to St. Mary and re-entered the park there. The first stop was Sun Point. It was probably the windiest I've ever experienced there. The views, as always, were stunning. From there as we drove up to Jackson Glacier overlook to where the road closure was, Matt yelled out "Mountain Goats!". There were slightly behind us up on the right side, and as driver I could not see them. Le & Matt shared their photos with me, where I identified them as a group of Bighorn Sheep. Add that to the wildlife sightings! Next stop was at Sunrift Gorge. While there we saw up close and personal on the wall by where the car was parked a very cute looking Hoary Marmot. No tour is complete without a stop to see Wild Goose Island as seen here https://youtu.be/9spGH0YMkj8 We then drove about 100 yards, and as we came around a bend in the road I saw two cars stopped ahead in the road. I immediately said to get the cameras out as there was probably a bear or something ahead. Even better, there was a young moose at the side of the road chomping on bushes. It was very close and we remained safely in the car. After we left St. Mary, about 5 miles before we entered the town of Browning, I saw some animals in the field on the right side of the road running. It took a moment to figure out that it was two dogs chasing a small black bear away. Second bear sighting of the day. So the score for the day was 2 bears, 3 or 4 Bighorn, 1 bald eagle, 1 moose, 1 Hoary marmot, and one Mountain Goat. Not bad for Le & Matt's first full day in the park!

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80th anniversary
by LastBestPlace 06 Jun '24

06 Jun '24

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answered prayer humor
by LastBestPlace 01 Jun '24

01 Jun '24

At the end of the sermon, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express a praise for an answered prayer. Suzie stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Frank, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. "The pain was excruciating, and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Frank must have experienced. “Frank was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Frank's scrotum and wrap fine wire around it to hold it in place with metal staples.” Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Frank. “Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Frank is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Frank." The entire congregation held its breath. “I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum.”

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04/06/2024 Part 2 of 2 …. Happy Montana Day!
by LastBestPlace 22 Apr '24

22 Apr '24

Part 2/2 November 2023 was another California visit. I have to get any traveling done before ski season begins! Greg and I don't have to work tomorrow! November was also one last chance to visit Many Glacier before the road is closed for the winter. A nearly snowless December meant very limited downhill skiing, and no Nordic skiing. Barely any snow on the golf course for this Christmas Eve photo One highlight in December was the opportunity to see and touch THE Stanley Cup, which was on display in Whitefish. Drop the Puck!! The drought of snow continued until mid January when we were dumped bigly in one storm. But hopes of downhill skiing were dashed by ... The coldest weather we have encountered since buying the house. Our eventual record reached -39.9 degrees F. Bitter cold. I take care of snow blowing not only our driveway, but three of our neighbor's driveways. I at least waited until midday when it was -20 to go snowblow. It was unclear how well our ground source heat pump would do to heat the house before the backup electric resistance coil heater would kick in, and we were very pleased to see that the backup did not get used. We had a few days that were entirely below zero. This forced us to stay at home since we weren't sure the cars would start. Note: the indoor temperature is skewed as the thermometer is set between two windows on an outside facing wall. We were comfortable warm at 66 inside, warmer in front of the fireplace. The thermometer says at -40 to bring the dogs inside the igloo. We literally had a three dog night (and day!) Stuff that happens at extreme low temps. The vent for the dryer freezes over, as the moist air freezes instantly. On the flip side, the cold brings out the absolute clearest air. Layer up and take as many photos as you can while there is feeling in the fingers. It was -15 when this photo was taken, and just look at the smiles on those faces! The bitter cold was followed by yet another snow storm with high winds, leaving sizable drifts. I used our neighbor's 30" snowblower "The Beast". It's a bit big, heavy and unwieldy, but boy can it cut thru deep snow at 7am February starts with the Whitefish Winter Carnival, culminating in a parade. Winter is a festive time to enjoy the great outdoors ... ... and finally have a bluebird day of skiing above the clouds covering the Flathead Valley below. February is also the time for the annual Cabin Fever Days in the canyon, featuring the barstool races. The thrill of victory; the agony of defeat! We stayed at the Gordon Reese forest service cabin for 2 nights in February. No running water; a separate outhouse somewhere between 15 feet and a mile away; 8 adults; cross country ski in only pulling sleds laden with food and copious libations. What a blast! The highlight of March was a 3 week trip to Australia. One week spent in Melbourne, and two weeks spent in Tasmania. Since our return was just a few days ago, there has not been an opportunity to deal with those photos. But two special ones are Me with the ever so ferocious (and cuddly) Tasmanian Devil Sandy with the very cute Wombat And so begins the next non working year for me. More travel, more visitors, more hikes, skiing, running biking, kayaking and probably even less time to sleep. I accept the challenge!

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04/06/2024 Part 1 of 2 …. Happy Montana Day
by LastBestPlace 22 Apr '24

22 Apr '24

Part 1/2 A belated Happy Montana Greeting. We arrived back from Tasmania just over 2 weeks ago -- absolutely fantastic, need to go back again! -- and immediately busy with swapping the snow tires off, following up on some deferred car repairs, preparing the 3 snowblowers (ours and 2 neighbors) for the summer (tune ups, replacing belts, adjustments), and having an excavator arrive for 4 days to install hydrants in the yard to greatly ease watering the yard. But I remain committed getting thru my almost years backlog of photos and stories. April 6 is Montana Day, owing to the single area code of 406 for this great state. 6 years ago on April 6 I ceased my employment. And since that moment life continues to only get busier. A recap of my 5th year of non-work is in order ... One year ago, on April 6, 2023, I was in Portmeirion, Wales, the film site of the classic British TV series "The Prisoner". A very apt place to celebrate the end of "working for the man". As the shirt clearly states: I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered! MY LIFE IS MY OWN! That trip was immediately followed by another adventure driving a car from Portland OR to Anchorage AK, including a 3 night ferry right from Bellingham WA to Skagway AK, and continuing the drive on the AlCan Highway. A superb trip covered in a prior email. This was followed by a quick trip to California, where I saw the now pier-less cement boat at Seacliff Beach in Aptos. When the kids were young we used to be able to walk out onto the ship with them. Now the ship is in pieces and all remnants of the pier removed. The highlight in June 2023 was rafting the Smith River for 5 days (covered in a prior email) Sandy had cataract surgery in June, and delights in relating the story of how she wanted to show me something on her phone and I replied I'd have to get my glasses ... She laughed. She did not need her glasses! Sadly, with all the travels I was unable to train properly to be prepared for the Glacier Half Marathon in June, and so for the first time since the race's inception I had to cancel. This was big disappointment. I am working hard on my training for this year's race. 4th of July week was the Aussie Invasion visit, with us hosting 5 people from the penal colony down under. We had the great pleasure of taking our guests to the Polebridge 4th of July parade. It's a unique slice of Americana, with the parade on a dirt road lined with lawn chairs, people, dogs, libations, bear claws from the bakery, located in one of the few areas of the country without cell service or electricity. Some of the criminal behaviour from down under persists! July was also 2023's big house project -- replacement of our cement patio. We are now at the point where we can pick and choose house improvement and upgrade projects on a more proactive, rather than reactive basis. The old patio had numerous cracks, caused undoubtedly by the fact that it was poured level, so water would not drain off it! This has now been corrected. I actually missed out of witnessing the concrete pouring. I was out backpacking for 6 days with Nabeel at that time. We hiked to the Chinese Wall -- the one that is in Montana. 1000 feet high and 20 miles long, the wall is an absolute wonder. Writing up the full story is on my to do list. (does this wide angle photo make me look .... wide?) More visitors in August. Some just like a more relaxed vacation Funny story -- Warren said Bruce would never go on the couch, and yet the minute Warren left the house look what happened! And some visitors with very wild hair Even made time for a Scamp trip in the summer September was an Alaska trip starting with riding the Alaska Railroad from Anchorage to Fairbanks. It was their last day of the season with the dome cars. Enjoyed the fall colors. Wonderful equipment, meals, and scenery. One highlight was arriving into Fairbanks at 8pm in the dark. Sally brought Thistle with her to pick us up. Thistle has been to the airport to greet arriving people numerous times and is familiar with that routine; anytime she is in the car and gets near the airport she gets very excited. But she had never been to the train station, and when she first saw Sandy it so surprised her with barking, yelping, jumping for joy the other people detraining where quite taken aback by this wild dog! Part of the motivation for visiting Fairbanks was to run the HooDoo Half Marathon with Sally and Bryson. This would be my only running race for 2023. I believe I have run at least one competitive race a year for each the last 39 years! Sally, Bryson and I all finished with the same overall time (1 hour 54 minutes). Sunny and 26 degrees at the start, it was in the 40s by the finish on the loveliest of fall color days. In October, nothing beats biking up Sun Road on a clear fall day. Or a chocolate poppy seed muffin from the Polebridge Mercantile before they close for the season October is also when Sun road closes for the season, so one last drive to the top before it closes .... continued in part 2

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photographer humor
by LastBestPlace 24 Mar '24

24 Mar '24

A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover Southern California's wildfires. The magazine wanted pictures of the heroic work the fire fighters were doing as they battled the blazes. When the photographer arrived on the scene he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede, or even make impossible, his obtaining good photographs from ground-level He requested permission from his boss to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and via a cell phone call to the local county airport necessary arrangements were made. He was told a single-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. He arrived at the airfield and spotted a plane warming up outside a hangar. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and roared down the runway. Within just a minute or two of his arrival they were in the air. The photographer requested the pilot to, "Fly over the valley and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures of the fires on the hillsides." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm a photographer for a national magazine," he responded, "and I need to get some close-up shots." The pilot was strangely silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "So, you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"

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06/09/2023 ~ 06/14/2023: Rafting the Smith River, part 4/4
by LastBestPlace 02 Mar '24

02 Mar '24

Smith River, Part 4/4 *DAY 4: Park Flat (3) to Middle Rattlesnake Bend, 9.5 miles (continued) * Our last campsite, located in a grassy meadow area, with a nice beach along a straight portion of the river. Youngins Elders The river along here was a perfect location to wade in and simply float downstream a ways. There was one nervous moment when Penny was caught in the current and continued to float downstream, but she made it back unscathed. Keith had brought apples, and we all joined in bobbing for them. And no campfire is complete without roasting marshmallows. The highlight of the trip for me, and if I may be so bold as to speak for the others, was that evening's campfire. This was our last night together, and by now we are all best friends. The comradery was evident on such a beautiful night. A number of games were played. Melanie had a playlist of songs from the 70s/80s on her phone, and with the help of a Bluetooth speaker we played a simple game. She would start playing a song, and the first person to correctly name the song, plus the first person to correctly name the artist/band, would choose who had to take a shot of one of the remaining libations. I believe I made a solid showing quickly naming songs, but was equally impressed with the /youngins/ knowledge of such oldie music. I distinctly remember immediately identifying the song /Band on the Run/ by the group /Wings/, and even rattling off the names of prominent members of that band -- to which one of the /youngins/ remarked "I didn't know Paul McCartney had been in a band before he was a solo artist!". I think I chose to take a shot of whiskey myself after that statement. Another song surprise was that Lane (I think) identified a song and artist before I could. "Afternoon Delight" by Starland Vocal Band from 1976. How could anyone not alive during that time period with that sappy song blasted on AM radio know anything about it? Yuk!! For those who can stomach the video ... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu1UXCdyNo0&t=1s <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu1UXCdyNo0&t=1s> But most surprising of all was when Paul not only correctly identified Meatloaf's /Paradise by the Dashboard Light/, but was able to sing along with every lyric for it's entire 8:28 minutes. He is one of many hidden talents. https://youtu.be/o4ZZTJnXvYE There were many other fun games played, and the evening extended late. *DAY 5: Middle Rattlesnake Bend to Eden Bridge Take Out, 11.5 miles *The last day. The steep walls along the river give way to more rolling green hills. The river is much wider now then when we originally began, and we can see by the banks it has dropped a few inches. * * One wall was covered with mud/barn swallow nests, and the sky around that wall was darkened with the sight of so many of them in flight. Eventually the rock walls disappear. The river widens, and there were numerous snags that had to be navigated around. We get our first view of the Eden Bridge. Takeout is on the left, just before the bridge. The takeout was very busy, and our raft nearly went past it. Many thanks to the other rafters on the bank who were able to catch our line and pull us back. The takeout is a bit anti climatic. The focus is to get the rafts unpacked, stow the gear, and get on the road to a hot shower. The goodbyes are way too brief. We still have a 4 hour drive ahead of us to get home. But there was a unanimous decision that we will be doing this again! To Lyndsey, Lane, Jacee, Isaac, Melanie, Austyn, Paul, Christine, Penny and Keith .... thank you so much for allowing me to join in such a wonderfully fun trip. I look forward to doing this again -- even with groovers 😉 !! /footnote: With 350 photos and videos from the 5 day trip, I found it quite challenging to limit the photos and stories into four reasonably sized emails. The intent is to simply capture the beauty of the location and provide some insight into what made this such a special trip. It is yet another incredible area within the state of Montana. /

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06/09/2023 ~ 06/14/2023: Rafting the Smith River, part 3/4
by LastBestPlace 02 Mar '24

02 Mar '24

Smith River, Part 3/4 *DAY 3: Lower Bear Gulch to Park Flat (3), 7.9 miles (continued)* Another beautiful day on the river. The walls of the canyon are not as high, and now interspersed with some rolling green hills. I think it was on this day that our raft saw the one and only black bear. He was close to the shore but ran away as we got closer. That evening's campsite was on a bend with walls on either side of the river. Keith had brought a kite which was perfect for such an area with a constant steady breeze, and Austyn had a great time kite flying. Another delightful campfire that evening. I recall Lane making /earthworms/ for dessert -- chocolate jello pudding cups, blended with oreo cookie crumbs for the dirt, with gummi worms buried in them. I respectfully stuck with Cold Smoke and whiskey instead. The other memorable campfire events were a mouse that joined us, and a snake that went near Paul & Christine's tent. We continued the daily concerted effort to lighten the weight of the gear we brought, especially in emptying the various cans we had with us. *DAY 4: Park Flat (3) to Middle Rattlesnake Bend, 9.5 miles *Another beautiful morning in paradise. Breakfast is reheated brats and burgers over the campfire. The river winds its way thru both public and private land, and at this point there is an array of PVC pipe over the river that rafters are instructed to float thru. There is a barbed wire fence under the water in the river and this is the only safe spot to float over it. I'm pleased that Paul did not throw me off the raft around here! I had previously mentioned the other raft guide named /Crawdaddy/. There was finally a successful throw and recovery of a Modelo beer by Penny, which nearly cost her a swim to retrieve. Along the banks of the river we saw many Canada Geese and goslings, and ducks and ducklings. I managed a shot of a Harlequin duck just as it took flight off a rock.

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